. . . .

a lot of work to do. but they arent hogging my mind.
i only have one thing stuck inside.


before i start going abt my list of TTD today....
it's time to unload and deposit them somewhere for a while.



anyway, i realize i'm a really low maintance living being.
i kept zero ammunition for last month and survived on a few peanuts.
how few a peanut....? lesser than my bro's monthly allowance~
but thank God, i made it. and i'm proud of it =)

my baby, 4 babies actually, are gonna fly back next wkend.
i'm really looking forward to them.
i've confidence in the stuff i produce and the quality i set....
so let's hope and trust that my days of peanut eating will not be in vain.

oh well,
like what they always say....
if you never take d step to try, you will never discover d gold in front.
if you take d step and you fall, all you lose is money but you gain
experience. and money can always be earned back.

i wanna take the gold in front~
remember the name - FORTYFOUR.




a myriad of emotions this week.
stressed
too many datelines to meet for my things to do @ work.
stressed
too many datelines to meet for my things to do for fortyfour.
stressed
too many datelines to meet for my things to do for equal opp.
nervous
i let out my deepest darkest secret to 2 i-think-i-can-trust ppl.
vexed
i hate playing guessing games to guess what actions-w/o-words mean.
confused
when you're not told how to decipher what these actions mean.
touched
how small little actions from someone who means a lot to you can make.
pessimist
you've to become a pessimist and disregard everything u see & feel.
frustrated
you want to do more but you've to build up an invisible wall between us.
drained
when u want to know but you're afraid, your heart starts to fail.
torn apart
your gut feelings tell u it's real and ur logical tells you to be rational.



can a person have a change of mind and heart after
he had issued out his words and after hurting the person?

they told me 'why not?'
i guess i can never overcome that intellectual barrier.
it's beyond me to comprehend how someone who had said 'no'
to you previously can now have a 180degree change of heart & mind.
too deep for my human dynamics~



actually 某人 bought something for 某人 last week.
but when 某人 saw that someone has bought it for 某人,
某人 kept it away and walked away quietly.




某人 has been thinking....
and 某人 realize, as much as 某人 cares alot for 某人,
某人 no longer has any idea when 某人 is happy,
某人 no longer has any idea when 某人 is sad,
某人 no longer has any idea when 某人 needs a shoulder,
某人 no longer has any idea when 某人 is sick,
某人 no longer has any idea what 某人 likes and dislikes,
某人 no longer has any idea what 某人 is thinking,
某人 no longer has any idea what 某人 is going thru now....

do all these make 某人 and 某人 friends or familiar strangers?



they say 某人 just wants the attention.
they say 某人 is simply an attention seeker who likes the attention
某人 is giving to 某人 and not becoz of genuine emotive inputs.
they say 某人 is making use of 某人's weakness for 某人.
that's why 某人 is still constantly being so nice to 某人 even though
the things 某人 do for 某人 have crossed the platonic border.


maybe there are really that nice people in the world like 某人.
某人 has been trying very hard to fence off all d toxic acts 某人 has
been doing for 某人 as harmless acts of close proximity friendliness.

but sometimes, you can close your eyes and tell d love from d hate.
becoz most times, you dun see with ur eyes. you see with the heart.



are feelings deceiving? yes, they are.
but they are not deniable. and they can be felt.



is 某人 trying to tell 某人 something?
can 某人 be direct with 某人 and not take 某人 on detours?
shd 某人 have a talk with 某人 instead of playing charade with 某人?



某人,
如果某人再把手伸出，试着勇敢的牵着你的手，
你会再一次对某人说谢谢，对不起....
还是会勇敢的牵起某人的手，相信某人呢？



am i right or am i wrong?
can we stop playing guessing games?
your actions are draining me out....~


i know it can never be.
you're just being nice.





. . . .