. . . .

can i be a right hander just like everyone else.... ?



tired to be stuck in it time and again.
weary to have to choose and cant bear to time and again.


draw me away.... Song Of Solomon 1:4
standing before Him again, i was like Peter.
i couldnt say those words like how i wld like to.
it wld have been easier to just crush my heart outright.
i wld have died a lighter death than to go thru d struggle.


it was just 10mins from after that to my home.
ended up home 2hrs later.
from ECP thru to every other Es.... i drove on aimlessly.



loaded this song and put it on repeat mode.
wanted to cruise and let d wind clear my head.... clear my heart....
ended up racing down one expressway after another and back again

flashes upon flashes. episodes after episodes.
how i wish everything will be resolved after spinning d roads
sadly, it didnt. apparently, it couldnt.


HAI.
ever experienced being suffocated and almost dying from it?
tat burger issued his death warning very clearly to me
thereafter, all sorts of unexpected crap happened
having too much to bear, the walls built up
even when i wanna care, i couldnt care
as much as i do inside, i'm no longer in the position to care....
like d sms i received today.
i could only offer to say i can be your chauffeur anytime.

the victories. the wars. the triumphs. the fearless faith.
i know i'm not able to walk away like d previous times
if i could, the rainbow would have turned up eons ago.

i dun wanna be a troublesome kid but i'm behaving like one
if turning my back is tat easy, if my stick isnt that deep inside,
then 10yrs of adventure wld have been questionable.

why do i see happyness in you, through you?
why do i sense gladness in you, through you?
is it all deception? is it all false judgement?


turn away from me so i can turn away from you.


the heart of the matter is the matter of the heart.
what more can i say other than to say I
the treachery and the force of the dark side
i underestimated it. i overestimated me.




i'm imploded.


. . . .