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today is the 28th day here.

1 chapter left for chemistry.
2 (+3) chapters left for physics.
5 chapters left for biology.
1.5 chapters left for ochemistry. <-- i so SO hate ochem!!

today is saturday..
if i stay on track, i will finish all in another 12 days max.
and round 2 of revision will start.
a repeated cycle of going thru everything again..
just so to make sure the necessary sticks in the head
and the important are rehashed n remembered.


but oh man. im so FREAKING FREAKIN'
TIRED AND EXHAUSTED ALREADY.


the end seems so soooooo so so near..
with only a few chapters of each module to
race to the finish line.. but they feel sooooo DARN FAR AWAY!!


mentally exhausted or on d verge of exhaustion already..

but everyday i still find myself pressing on.. though w a slower
pace n decreased mental energy.. but i still wake up,
wash my dinner bowls, shower, open d door to say hi to d
owners, owners' kids, cat & dogs.. cook lunch, browse sg.yahoo,
eat lunch, stare at d chapter i need to cover for d day.. browse fb,
browse yahoo.com, refresh email every 1 min.. ok, pick up my pen
and start going thru the pages.. at d end of each section, browse youtube,
refresh sg.yahoo, refresh fb, refresh mail, shower to refresh for d night leg,
dread to cook dinner again, cook dinner, wondering why hasnt fluffy msged,
scroll thru the next section, eat dinner, oh.. it's 10pm.. try n finish d chapter
for the day b4 i sleep.. it's 2am.

change into my sleeping apparatus, brush my teeth n wash my face.. ahh..
sometimes, d water supply gets cut in d night n i have to do d chores w a
bottle of mineral water.. burn d coil to keep d bugs at bay, dust d bed n try
to sleep.. which i usually cant. n ends up playing battle ludo til i fall zzzzz.

awakens the next morning by d birds, d drilling, d neighbours, d family..
and i feel i had not sleep a single wink at all. i always felt i didnt sleep
at all even though d hrs r sufficient. perhaps, thatz why my energy is
sipping me by..

n the whole cycle repeats itself again, preogrammed in my mind as my body
goes thru the motion by itself.


n along d way, i decide to help a school build a library.
i mean, seriously.. do i have to get myself into more than i already have to do?
i did give it a very long thought and as much as i told myself i shd just focus
on the things i need to get done on hand.. i cant help to ignore something
that i can do within my means. yes, it will be troublesome. it will take up
my time and possibly, even hinder my entire study plan.. but i just cant be
selfish n do nothing when i know i possibly can do something for them.


i've another 1.5 mths here.. maybe 54 days or so here..
seems like a long time but days pass, and weeks passed just like that.
im looking forward to d building project. it wldnt have been possible
without some really generous friends helping me out financially.. but
those who didnt respond even to my msg, im disappointed to say the
least but well, what goes ard will come around some day. i always
believe in that.


for now, my brain n my will will tell my body n mind to keep going.
i really wanna make it. with will power, with effort, with hardwork
and with practise, i believe i surely can and will make it.

d danger is, to give up now when ive given up so much to come
this far. i hope i will make it to d finish line n cross it.
and make the mark.


dear God,
i've given my all. i sacrificed lots of stuff for this dream.
my job, my money, friends, time with my loved ones.. standing firm
and fighting for this dream alone even when nobody believed that i wld
make it and tried to oppose n put me down.

i tried. and i am still trying my best to what my brain n strength can
offer. i'm not the smartest around but i have worked hard. i pray for
the strength to finish all the chapters that i need to finish. the clarity of
mind to absorb, to understand and to rem all that i need to. i ask for
Your strength to carry on in this fight. i wanna come out victorious.
i wanna go face my exam with confidence n with preparedness. i
want to make it for the exam n clear it excellently. i believe nothing is
impossible to those who believe in their dreams n work hard to
achieve them. i commit the rest of my time n my dream into Your Hands.

Amen.

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