. . . .

i seriously do feel everything happens for a reason
and things do fall into place when it is their time.


was started to feel very irritable n unsettled with myself and
the feeling has been increasing thru this week.
and today is already sunday.
cant get much studying going. tried to get much studying going.
but i know im really forcing myself to just even sit on the table,
and stare at my notebook n lappy.

my system is almost on d verge of going on a strike. to just
open the door, get out of the room, and have all d fun i can
only dream of the past wks. i really wanna go out and explore
all the things ive been riding by and didnt get a chance to stop,
look, explore, admire and enjoy.

i know im probably suffering from internal withdrawal, fatigue
as i try to stay on course n forge thru the final lap of this race.
it has really been hard. extremely hard.
i so wanna get through the LAST THREE chapters of the 1st
round of revision. just three more n i cross the finish line....
but the last 100m is the most grueling even though u have already
ran like hundreds n thousands of miles before this last 100m.
i know i will push myself through and cross the finish line..
it's just a matter of time.
and i exactly dont want to waste more time.


it's about a mth & 2 wks before the big day. and i have to
get myself all confident and prepared by approximately 4-5wks'
time. so, i need to get on the 2nd leg of the race NOW.
seriously, d stress is starting to get to me.

I WANT TO MAKE IT. SERIOUSLY.
i feel im definitely more prepared this time around.
but i need to work more to make myself good enuff to make it 100%.


and time is passing so fast every single day.
the project is starting in TWO weeks' time.
actually, im started to get all messed up by stress n my
expectations that i just wanna pack up n go home. just give up
everything and close shop. live an ordinary life. forget all about
what magnificent dreams or what not. drop the project n leave.


have been waiting for my local friend to get back w details
on the project n it hasnt been happening.... so pretty much
i was gonna puff up n blow up very soon with all these..
then finally we spoke tonight.


he had gone to the village w his family today to check
things out again. thankfully he brought his wife along..
who pretty much was better in sorting d details out..
the beauty of having a good wife.. hahahaa
we three spoke, discussed and planned more.
I felt they just wanted to do more for their own people
to help them up another level. yet they cannot do it
without help from the outside world like us..
he told me that they r thankful for the project n aft
that was done, he said they r worried about me.. cooping
24/7 in d room.. studying and all.. worried if i eat or go out..
i wld have just hugged them n cry my bottled up frustrations n
stress out.. hahaaa.. but i was just thankful for real people like these.


and which means, i HAVE and WILL stay till the end of Aug.
my dear brain, mind & body, PLEASE dont give up the fight now.
fight hard for another SIX MORE WEEKS and THAT'S IT!!

I CAN DO THIS.


i was watching svc online dis afternn. d wonderful streaming crapped
up so badly during P&W that i thot i wasnt gonna watch it today..
but amazing it was almost smooth during the Word.
Dr. AR Bernard shared a few stuff which came out at me..
we all have dreams.. but dreams can be godly & secular.
godly dreams have God in it and is God centered. secular dreams
have self in it and is self centered.
i paused and pondered.
what is my dream all about?
is it about myself or for a greater purpose than myself?

i cant be sure if it's God's idea but i know for sure it is not for self.
it is my dream n desire to travel to the corners of the earth where
medical help is so scarce and ppl desperately need help.. n render
help n lend a hand to all these people.




I HOPE I MAKE IT.
I LOOK FORWARD TO THE DAY I MAKE IT.


. . . .