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the project has started.
the project has ended today.
just like that, time with the volunteers have come and gone.
umm. i dunno if im happy or upset with this project.
dis is by far, the worst project ive ever done and managed.
and to have 2 first timer volunteers joining in, i really felt it shdnt have been dis way.
ive been thinking thru and wondering if  i had spent the money well in doing up that
library for the school in the village....

do i regret it? do i feel proud of it? it's a mix of a bit of both and others.
haven been really happy throughout d whole project coz i was practically and
basically running the show on my own. having to take care of all the logistics,
purchasing, coordinating and whatever else. everything. and that really made me
very tired and very very upset with the owner and the village people.

i had to go to shop to shop to look for paints when i already asked him to help me
source out and purchase. i had to go with him to look for a tuktuk driver to drive us
ard for our period at the site. i literally bargained and wanna punch a super idiotic guy
who had a sh*t face when i was trying to iron things out with his wife at their bookshop.
we asked for 121 books and they said they had everything on the list. and 100 bucks worth
of sports n misc items to be added on top of the list. then when i collected the items on
the morning, i asked if everything was inside since there was too many things to count for.
she said yes. after wrapping the books at the school, we counted d books and we only had
96 books with 2 damaged ones! what the fish. seriously. almost 30 books were not included!
went to the shop the next day to iron things out. i insisted i wanted my books but she tried
to explain that she topped up the value of the book shortage with other misc items. the
bag of misc items do not even look like they r worth 100 bucks! i was freaking pissed.
but since im in their land and i cant speak or understand their language, i tried to control..
but her idiotic husband sat outside d shop and kept making comments. and many times, we
exchanged glares. i almost wanted to go up to him and asked him whatz his prob. we
werent the ones in the wrong. they shd have clarified and informed us if they cldnt deliver.
and my no balls owner didnt even dare to fight for anything. i had to do all the strong
talking and negotiation with the woman. i picked up the shortage # of books and said i
wanted these since i was not happy that they didnt inform us of the change. she wanted 15bucks
for the books. or return 2 soccer balls in exchange for the extra books we wanted. tatz not d pt!
i didnt wanna give and in the end, she said she will donate a portion of those books and i only
need to pay 10bucks. i took it since we had been there long and i was getting really hot. i asked
the owner what tat idiot said while we were discussing.. he didn't wanna tell me. when we left, i
said to tell me exactly what he said. he said the idiot said we shd not try to squeeze them for
everything just bcoz we r doing charity. if i had knew there and then, i wld surely have gone
up to the guy and tell him in the face that we r doing charity but we can pay. we r not begging for
free things from him. i was there to fight bcoz u were dishonest and u freaking have a sucky
attitude to own a bookshop with that idiotic face.


thatz not all. i virtually had no support at all for the entire project. except them asking for money
for dis and for that. except maybe the wife who did more for the owner, going ard to ask for
prices of certain things and items for the library. but in the end, i have to go get them on my own!
what is dis?? oh man. i mean, we r already being generous to help you build a library. the least
u can do is offer ur help, offer food, basic host necessities, offer transport etc.. but NO.
everything we have to pay and pay and pay. the kids went out with us every day and they left
no money for the kids to spend. all their expenses were covered by us. it's not as if we cant
pay or we r calculative, but thatz the least u can do.. give ur kids money to take care of themselves
when they r outside. ARGH. im still boiling over all these. bcoz of all these stuff, i didnt really
look into the welfare of the volunteers.. which i really felt v bad abt it. like preparing breakfast
and lunch for them.. i left all these pretty much to their own devices. we just bought coffee n cakes,
make do with bread for our meals. NONE of the villagers offered us any food or drinks while we
were there doing up the library. SERIOUSLY. it really didnt project the right impression to the
2 volunteers who were volunteering out for their 1st time experience. the owner most likely didnt
bother to coordinate with anybody in the village to take care of us there. if we didnt have the kids
with us there, we prob wont know how to communicate with anybody there at all. and on the last
day, he went and aft 'opening' the library and speaking with whoever needed to, everyone
dispersed.. including him. he helped a little with the removal of the paints on the floor. and didnt
asked if therez anything else he cld help us with. we were all trying to finish the wall and go off.
and later his daughter told me he was drinking w his family! mid day! while we were trying to
finish things off for him. WHAT THE ....!! his kids were hungry and we didnt have any food
with us coz we planned to leave by noon.. but he didnt even checked in on us. SERIOUSLY.

















i cant deny the fact that he did put in the effort to look for contractors and contacts in the initial
stages of the project. perhaps, he did help. maybe it's my fault. i didnt have my things properly
and fully worked out? with my previous projects, my local partner dealt with their own locals and arranged and coordinated everything smoothly n nicely out for the projects.. while i worked on the issues with the volunteers on my side. tat's why i didnt expect things to turn out so bumpy for me
in dis proj. seriously, i was caught almost totally off-guard with their heck care attitude. everyone
is too self centered and only care abt their own interests n benefits. no teachers were willing to volunteer to take care of the library initially.. no help, no nothing. the only reason i went ahead w
the proj was bcoz he told me everyone was very interested in having the library. but NOBODY
turned up to help us on the first day except some curious kids. i almost totally regretted at that pt
in time n started to doubt his words. very interested? then where r the adults?? where r the teachers??


we met some really nice kids. thatz for sure. kids who were willing to help aft they warmed up
to us on the 2nd day. these r the kids i wanna help. not the owner who wanna build the library,
probably for his own name sake and honour.. to feel proud he helped his village. thatz not the
pt.. i wanna help these kids to have a better future. and now with the completed library, im
concerned if it wld be put to good use. it was the same concern with the volunteers too. if they
cant even find teachers to volunteer to take care of the library n wanna be paid a token sum to
take care of it every mth.. i really wonder the state of the library aft a few months. someone
definitely needs to be there to build up the library for these kids. if the adults r not motivated w
the right reasons or motives, then i needa think n work things out for these kids. How much
quality education they r getting outta the class, i guess i can mk a really good guess. the library
can really help them but a dedicated person has to be there to help them out. to teach the kids
to read n write. i wish i can do that for the remaining 2wks that i am here.. but i cant. i still
got my mcat to take care of. i totally didnt touch my books at all this entire wk. bcoz of my sucky
hospitality during the day, i brought the volunteers out for dinner every night.. just to kinda make
things up and mk their experience a little more enjoyable.. n a beer aft we reach home.. and then
it wld be almost midnight.. totally drained n dozed off to bed the moment i laid down.


SIGH. i dun want the library to go to waste just bcoz the adults cant be bothered. the kids need
it and they will surely benefit from it. which means, i wld need to return back for sure to make
sure they library is properly utilized and teach the kids proper things. BUT i do not want to do
it thru the owner. i think he has mixed agenda. umm. but i think now is not the time to think abt dis.
MCAT!! freak. only 20 more days! i need to improve my score from 8 to 10! been lazing ard for
a good half of the day aft sending the volunteers off to the bus station. and feeling really bad
abt this whole volunteer experience for the volunteers. the kids in his village need help but he
was probably the wrong partner to work with. im still feeling bad .... =(


the volunteers went to an orphanage on their last day and bought 10 bags of 50kg rice for them.
i didnt chip in coz im broke!! hahaa. but i know i will be back so i will surely help them in
other ways. i tell u, in comparison to what this family r doing for the kids at the orphanage, totally
shadowed what we did for the library in the village.. seriously. and that is how positive volunteerism
shd really be like. they house volunteers at their home, provide 3 meals for free. this shd be it!!
not trying to get the volunteers to pay for every single little thing! we give, u shd give too. and not
just take and take. im seriously thinking if i shd tell d owner all these.. maybe he really dun
understand and perhaps, can be taught n changed in his mindset. but i dunno.. maybe it will take
time. yea.. and so we have left over $$ which we r now contemplating buying 1 or 2 desktops
for the orphanage, and perhaps go over to teach them some new skills n all. i have only 2 wks
left and i still have much to accomplish. MCAT, meeting the teacher n student volunteers to
regulate the library functioning, get the comps for the orphanage, medical attachment..


MCAT!! shhessh man. can i do it??????!!


i dunno man. will replan my schedule for d next 2 wks and really sprint to finish all that i can
and need to in the next 5 days b4 i start the attachment. or maybe i shd give d attachment a miss?



i told a big lie 2 days ago.. i was angry with queen bee and queen bee became angry with me in
the end.. and the colony split. it's a good thing for her lah. i dun wanna talk abt it anymore.
if the queen bee gives up, then let it be final. not gonna do any more u-turns. anyway, i told the
queen bee that i cancelled d accom.. but i didnt. i see no point going since the colony has collapsed.
so now, how?? do i go on my own? find ppl to go with me? or what? it's freaking waste of money
lah to not go at all.. but .. arghhhhh. shhhhhheeeessh. what to do with it? -.-"


need to go back to studying....
13 more days to packing back!

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