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letz see. dis is my 4th attempt to write out my thots.
all d previous one were never completed n published.
so many things have happened, are happening in my life..
so much so tat ive alot bottled up inside tat i wanna let out
yet seems like therez an invisible hand tat is shutting me up.


im not upset or emo for tat matter of fact.
im pretty settled down with myself actually.
perhaps, tatz just so many things i want n need to do thatz adding
up the pressure n weight n responsibility tat i am shouldering.
or maybe im just becoming more adult n responsible.. becoming a family
man whoz working hard to build my own family in d very near future.


my own cozy house with fluffy.. a place we call our home.
a little kid of our own.. a bright young man whom i wanna name Elliot.
okk.. maybe not.. coz it sounds like idiot. hahahaa. but a kiddo or two, maybe.
her white fluffy dog with my ah mao. if ah mao cannot move over, then adopt
an adventure dog tat will accompany me for adventures on wkends.
working hard thru med school, resident, fellowship n eventually outfields.


these alone, r already a plateful of things for me to work hard to achieve n
mk them happen in the next 5yrs. things that will keep me really really busy.


throw in d responsibilities of taking care of my parents, my grandma, my bro thru
uni, on top of providing a future together w fluffy.. itz really a lot of work.
hard work, to be exact. stressful n heavy responsibilities to be carrying n shouldering
they r no easy tasks but they arent sad or negative energies. instead, they push me


to carry on in spite of all that r seemingly hard to accomplish or whwn tough times
threatens to put me off. they r positive energies that grow me up.


well. i still have to tackle the monster. wrote my study plan. started my study plan.
hasnt been easy. very tough trying to push myself forward actually.
imagine studying n preparing for ur O levels for the THIRD TIME.
itz freaking demoralizing lorh.
i really wanna make it this las n final time.
no excuses. no more 4th time. gotta make it.
im not stupid lorh. there must b something i am not doing right.
just exactly what i shd change or work on.. i kinda narrowed down.. i hope im right.
motivation. motivation. motivation. i need it very desperately now.
i need to find my friends, urgency n discipline too.
CMON 44. U GOTTA GET UR ACT TOGETHER N SERIOUSLY GET WORK DONE.


trying lah.. feeling v playful actually. like how when u cant go out to play until
u finish all ur hmwk n assessment books.. but all u can think abt is to go out n play!
hahaha. tatz wat my frame n state of mind is now. I JUST WANT TO PLAY!
throw all my books away. no more studying. no more mugging. no more self grounded
wkends. go climb my rock walls. go kayaking. go hang out over a good book.
just doing anything i like n i want except studying for my mcat! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
but i know my priorities lah. for now, i just gotto do dis all over again, ONE LAST TIME.


other than the things to achieve on my 5yr master plan, there has been a couple of
current issues too.. fluffyz stuff, grandmaz stuff, mumz stuff, SDZz stuff, monsterz
stuff.. all r impt ppl n matters to me which i put close to my heart.






















my heart seems to b giving me probz lately too. really feel itz slower than usual.
Especially d frequent episodes of shortness of breath n chest tightness..
nose has been chronically blocked for more than a mth aft i returned to sg.
freaking dry, non productive cough that has woken me up quite frequently at night.
quite a no. of unusual symptoms happening the past wks to a mth.. things ive
never experienced b4.. something just seems weird.. wrong somewhere..
been feverish on n off of late too. oh well. i doubt ive a short life.
still got so many things i wanna accomplish in my life.. haven conquer d monster,


haven done my most romantic proposal, haven waited at d aisle to exchange vows,
haven seen my boy, Elliot, haven become a Dr. haven given my parents a comfortable
retirement package yet. haven given fluffy her home yet.. too early to go! Hahahahahaa But seriously, if anything is to happen to me outta d blue, sudden resignation beyond
my control.... then too bad. My parents, sis n bro get all my valuable possessions like d
house, all my insurance payouts.. fluffy will get all my cash in my posb savings, our joint aact
savings in my co-op, d savings in my 10yr savings plan meant for our house.
anything else i have n i missed out, to b divided equally btwn my mum n fluffy. Ummm. Come to think of it. I'm really rich aft all.. hahahaha.
I think dis few lines can b considered legally binding shd any unexpected happens.
Itz good to leave some instructions while u r living for after u r dead.. yeah.
but oh well. Itz not time yet!!

has been raining so much these weeks.. but SDZ hasnt rained. How to help leh? Ummmm.
Maybe.... just another 30 days or so only. It will come n go very fast.
Many wonderful times n memories. The best part of my 6yrs in the waterhole.
oh well. All good things will come to an end. 開心過就好.


Alright. Back to slay d monster.
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