. . . .

do not just dream,
be crazy enuff to chase aft it;
be fearless enuff to realize it.

you never know how that mustard seed
will [one day] sprint forth and water millions.




been wanting to blog out d thousand n one thots in my mind
but just didnt get to it.. it's Apr 6.. 4th month into the year already..
abt d same time i took off a year ago to cambodia..
so fast, it's almost a year..............

those words that i wrote above stood out to me
n i found myself staring at them for a long time d moment d page opened up.
end of the 3rd wk of leave.. 1 more wk to go..
it seemed like a long time when i first started d leave..
n now it seems so short that itz gonna end in 7 days' time.

was supposed to be studying n really running towards the finish line
during these 4 wks of break.. but i found myself slowing down.. looking n
searching ard.. wondering if i shd still keep running towards d finish line..
i planned, looked forward to it.. kinda envisioned it.. but in d end....
im disappointed with myself actually. very disappointed.
without fail, each time i prepare to go into dis kind of preparation,
something will crop up to distract me. and a very huge distraction came up
with no surprise at all this time. and.... i wld say i got injured pretty badly..
somehow i know it's a distraction. i know i shd not have fall into it.
i know i shd just walk away n leave it to fight it back another time..
but i just.... HAIIIIIIIIIIIII....... ~

and now, days have gone, time has passed. 1.5mths to the big day....
i dun even know if i can continue on anymore.
im really tired out lah. it's like eating instant noodles everyday for the past
2.5yrs and ur sys has already shown signs of rejection. u try to push it down
more but it ends up gegarating (dunno how to spell) itself out n ....
i dunno man....

looking back at the amt of time n money ive spent on chasing dis....
really wanna quit n give up now.
forget the dream. focus on earning more money n put that as priority now
it's just too tempting....

dis obstacle is so huge to overcome. it's so easy to others yet it sucks big
time to me. fell, fallen, bruised, discouraged, demoralized, on d verge
of giving up, quit n walk off.... treat d money n time spent as experience.
i dunno. i really dunno if i shd shoulder on.

at the back of my mind, i wanna attend to my loss n regain them back..
it's so hard to focus now.. i dunno man. feel so dejected now.


go on or move on?


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